Copypasta

textchan read a book

3 friends currently visiting!

Live chat

LURKMORE Live Chat

Accepting cryptocoin donations

Bitcoin, Litecoin, Dogecoin, and more
Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
Posting mode: New Thread
(for post and file deletion)

Help support this site


No.146 : Anonymous [13/02/25(Mon)02:02] [Reply]

What's up bitches. Are you ready for me to make you money? That's what I fucking thought. My name is Derek and I'm a 23-year-old McNeese student that will be graduating in the Spring with a degree in General Studies. That's right -- GENERAL FUCKING STUDIES. This means I know everything about everything. I decided to leave my previous 4 years of Engineering school in the search for something that didn't make me want to eat the barrel of a gun every morning. As of now, I've got a GPA of 3.09, which is a fucking miracle given the amount of alcohol I've consumed over the years.

To break the ice, let me tell you a little about how fucking awesome I am. I can do some pretty mad freestyle raps (or so my homeboys say), and I enjoy wearing a bow tie. I take my pants off without unbuttoning them. Why? Because it's extremely efficient, and I've got more important shit to do than to unbutton my damn pants. I think all meals should be easily prepared in a microwave, and my favorite flavor of cotton candy is pink. I fucking DARE you to disagree with me. I've had what most people like to call "questionable previous employment", although I swear it's legit. Don't ask me about it though. I've never worked at a fast food restaurant, and I usually smell like the Old Spice "Swagger" fragrance. Only bad mother fuckers smell like swagger. I enjoy long walks on the beach, but only if the beach is located in Miami. I enjoy devices that are iPhone compatible, and I feel that everything tastes better with velveeta. I've slept on couches all over the US, and was once told that I fucked up a hotel suite somewhere on the Vegas strip. My Mom calls me her "Perfect Little Angel", so this means you can completely trust me with your daughters, nieces, hot female friends, etc...

Since I know I've already got this job in the bag, let me start off by telling you how useful I would be for your company.

Do you need me to answer your phone and talk shit to the vendors you hate? I abso-fucking-lutely love talking shit to vendors, ESPECIALLY the ones you hate. Want me to be nice to the vendors you hate? I can do that shit too. Look, I'm already showing how versatile I can be!

Do you want me to send flowers to your mother? FUCKING RIGHT! I'll hand pick and DELIVER those bitches to her office and even sing her a god damn song that will bring tears to her eyes -- and I'll lie and tell her you wrote it!! I can do the song with my best friend Jeff who gets laid weekly because of his crazy guitar skills, or acapella. Your choice.

Want a drinking buddy after a long day at the office/jobsite/underground meth lab? Holy shit, we may as well be best friends. I'll drink whatever you put in front of me -- who gives a fuck if it smells like pure gasoline. I'll even stop drinking a few hours early so I can drive you home to your bitch wife who likely hates me. BEST. FUCKING. FRIENDS.

Does shit constantly break at your office? Holy fuck, you just hit the jackpot. I was an automotive mechanic for two years and a motorcycle mechanic for another two years. I can fix anything. If I can't fix it, I'll break it so that the warranty will replace it. You're already making money with me working for you!!

Comment too long. Click here for full text.


No.143 : Anonymous [13/01/02(Wed)11:57] [Reply]

Recreating various lost outside situations results in invisibility and speed,alters you and reality,your mind returning to the past,time travel,accidents.Mind control and connected minds communicating,turning people into traitorous sex fiends by getting them to look at and/or sniff something.Surrounded by the future,the past and nightlights,abductions,suffocations,hungrily pulling and grabbing your sleeping genitals,draining energy,clones,people leaving this planet.Being woken up over and over again and waking up in this place,picking,poking,prodding people at the top with medical instruments,reviving regular people and bringing them out to court,maybe they'll reach through the screen and your reality show from this planet and their accusations about your past lives,your suspicious,nature's etc examples,stuck in this nest.


No.111 : Anonymous [10/12/13(Mon)02:32] [Reply]

Cheaper hdmi cables use the same bitset for transmiting ascii as well as data. This means that intsead of sending 1s and 0s, they use the letters I and O. This leads to increased power consumption, as the device has to decode full asci, and reduced color gamut.

Among the better brands, Monster cables have lower levels of atomic oxygen in the copper, which leads to reduced bitrot, and lower chance of hard drive crash due to blow-back.

I find that with Monster cables, gameplay is much more satisfying and rich. Many games have new gameplay options that are only possible to experience with the high fidelity of Monster cables - new paths that open up, more responsive AI. Cheaper cables simply can't maintain proper bit stability for the game code to function at its fullest.

I'm a chemical engineer - I know what I'm talking about.

No.142 : Anonymous [12/12/05(Wed)17:52] []

lol


No.137 : Anonymous [12/09/20(Thu)19:09] [Reply]

People disappearing(abductions) and others by altering themselves and reality(invisibility and speed),surrounding nightlights-stores-genitals(doing it with clones)and then returning.Recreating various lost outside situations results in invisibility and speed,your mind returning to the past (time travel (accidents)) if your iron and chromium anemic.People being kept off the streets and beaches,turning your apparently empty place into a motel/outhouse.Tired yet pet of the puking pests and your hungrily grabbed sleeping genitals,suffocations,draining energy,demon possession,cuts,barking dogs,popped people,an anal attack on colon cleansed people,turning people into traitorous sex fiends by getting them to look at something and/or sniff something and the so-called vaccine,mind control and connected minds communicating,interuptions,preparing you for what’s happening now and after (animalism).Waking up over and over again in this place,picking,poking,prodding people at the top with medical instruments,attempting to access your minds hidden secrets when you sleep,some people dying in their sleep,reviving regular people in that place and bringing them out to court and their accusations,reincarnation,your suspicious,maybe they’ll reach through the screen and your reality show from this planet.Surrounded by the future,the past and nightlights,being pulled towards the future or the past along with your iron coins,etc that your in contact with or surrounded by,people travelling back in time getting attacked,having accidents or sending messages.Replacing some people with clones,robots,etc,people leaving this planet,what year are you from?Concluding the experiment an cleaning the cage.Nature’s,etc examples.


No.134 : Anonymous [12/09/09(Sun)02:26] [Reply]

Before you tell me that you're going to discontinue textchan, there's something that you need to know, that you have to understand.

My life sucks. I was studying chemical engineering in hopes of getting a job at the local Dow plant. I spent four years getting a degree in a field I legitimately dislike, because I wanted a secure future in a job that I could use to provide for my family.

They closed that fucking plant. I guess offshore labor's cheaper. Can't pay extra for your fucking ant poison. Now I have an essentially useless degree. When my girlfriend realized I'd be unemployed, she left me. I don't blame her. There's nothing to do anymore. No one has any money because that place was where everyone worked. I rarely leave my room at this point, and it's probably wise not to, because roving gangs of poor teenagers are prowling the town.

Last fall, I started buying castor beans in bulk. At first, it was just a minor experiment, but at this moment, I've got twelve gallons of liquid ricin brewed and ready to spray. I have no hopes, no goals, and no future, and literally the only reason I have not popped the can and killed everyone in this miserable Godforsaken city is because, when I come here to post, I know my thread will be replied to and I'll talk to someone.

So before you tell me that the one bright spot in my life is gone, consider this: It's all I have.


No.98 : Anonymous [10/11/18(Thu)22:27] [Reply]

A lot of it has to do with the entertainment industry wanting to show niggers in a good light but you are so right. Nothing ever good comes from a white person having anything to do with a Negro and, as far as having sex with them, I wish they would bring back the laws dealing with beastiality.

I knew someone once whose white daughter identified with niggers, watching MTV, BET and having nigger friends over to her house constantly.

This bothered my friend (actually a co-worker) a lot but being racist was not PC and he would never teach his daughter the evils of racism.

Her senior year in high school she gets knocked up by, you guessed it, a nigger buck.

Buck takes off for another part of the country and this stupid white girl decided 1)not to get an abortion and 2)keep the niglet!

It gets worse. Much worse.

Young girl shits out a nigglet but keeps cavorting with niggers. One night the pack-o-niggers talked her into crossing a state line driving one of the bros niggermobiles. Of course, the bro asking never bothered to tell her about the drugs he had hidden in the trunk and, by the way, he forgot to mention the car was stolen to boot.

She gets caught after crossing a state line (federal rap here too) and all of her nigger friends (every single one of them) swore they didn't even know her.

The niglet was put in foster care while she was put in prison. Minimum of six years and she will be 26 when she gets out.

God Damn It! Tell your children that NOTHING good can ever come from associating with niggers! Tell them now and tell them often!

No.130 : Anonymous [12/07/05(Thu)16:18] []

Sounds like your daughter is dumb as fuck.

No.132 : Anonymous [12/07/24(Tue)00:37] []

>>130 It sounds like you're retarded.


No.129 : Anonymous [12/06/30(Sat)12:10] [Reply]

I am sorry to be the baron of bad news, but you seem buttered, so allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies, and are more than just ice king on the cake. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite.

So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality.

I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go.

Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the fax, instead of making a half-harded effort. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it's a peach of cake.


No.128 : Anonymous [12/06/22(Fri)23:31] [Reply]

Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like... not like the stories your generation tells.


No.127 : Anonymous [12/06/22(Fri)23:29] [Reply]
>moving from France to the US for a couple months
>get on plane
>as soon as it lifts off Americans start clapping and yelling ‘WOOO! YEAH!’ and high-fiving each other
>eventually we reach cursing altitude and the pilot turns the seatbelt light off
>Americans start clapping again while yelling ‘YEAAAH! WOOOOO!’
>the stewardess brings out the food cart
>Americans start clapping rhythmically and cheering whenever one of them gets a meal
>this goes on for 20 minutes until the stewardess puts away the food cart
>Americans start whining and want more food
>One of them suggests starting a cheer to bring back the food cart
>they start clapping rhythmically again and cheering ‘WE. WANT. FOOD. WE. WANT. FOOD.’
>the cheering grows more and more aggressive by the minute
>Americans are banging on the seats with their hands at this point
>WE WANT FOOD. GIVE US FOOD. WE WANT FOOD.
>several Americans get up from their seat and start walking towards the cabin while still clapping aggressively
>the stewardess throws the remaining peanut packs at them
>they slowly retreat, while still clapping, back to their seats
>mfw

No.124 : Anonymous [12/05/27(Sun)15:51] [Reply]

IF U WERE KILLED ASHITA, I WOULDNT GO 2 UR
FUNERAL CUZ ID B N JAIL 4 KILLIN DA BAKA THAT KOROSU U!

..._.....____________________, ,
....../ KAWAII GUN
`---___________----_____] = = = = =(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
...../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"
...//___//
..//___//
.//___//

WE TRUE TOMODACHI
WE RIDE TOGETHER


No.100 : Anonymous [10/11/21(Sun)04:57] [Reply]

I've never been drunk but that's mostly because I'm not a faggot. Only faggots want to get drunk because, the next day, they can use it an as excuse for licking a dick. Every person that I've know who gets drunk is a faggot and a loser. Every person that I've known who doesn't drink is infinitely more interesting to hang out with and there is way more to do with them because they aren't always trying to homofuck. All of the people that I know who are ex-alcoholics are way cooler now that they don't drink and act all faggoty.

No.121 : Anonymous [12/03/18(Sun)04:00] []

ya ok you dumb fucking prick the only reason you dont wont to drink or even hang out with ppl who drink is cuzz your gaycanndyass who LOVEZ THE COCK...o and by the fucking why its skumm like u who keep humankind ignerreanttttt...even tho i fucking hate drinking myself


No.120 : Anonymous [12/03/03(Sat)04:18] [Reply]

The minimum legal age of marriage is not where the problem is. With parental consent, you can get married at 15 years old, pretty much anywhere in the world. The problem is that divorce is legal, too easily attainable and way too favourable to women (it's not the 50s anymore!), giving women the ability to do the following:

>Marry
> stay thin so she can fuck as many guys as she can
> While she's at home, making her husband's daily life as shit as possible
> Divorce
> She takes all of the guy's money
> She's still thin, she still fucks tons of guys
>> Possible final stage a) Living off of her ex-husband for the rest of her life
>> Possible final stage b) She gets married, her ex-husband finds out, goes to court and loses, he now has to pay more
>> Possible final stage c) She gets married, her ex-husband finds out, goes to court and wins, he no longer has to pay (very unlikely)
>> Possible final stage d) She meets someone that she says she loves, they both live off of her ex-husband for the rest of her life; she still fucks other guys
> Ex-husband can never move on with his life, can never get a better job, will very likely lose everything he has and live like a turd, will not be able to marry because his new wife will now be paying for his ex-wife, can only be saved if he can prove that his ex-wife is married.

This is the real problem with marriage.


No.116 : Anonymous [11/11/05(Sat)01:48] [Reply]

MOD PARENT UP!

That was more relevant than most of the self-important ego driven bullshit that I read on here.

I miss the conversations from the late 90's and early 00's on here. It's a bunch of young ass punks now who couldn't tie their shoes due to their feeling of self entitlement.

Anyone born after about 1980 should have their internet privileges taken away so maybe we can cut down on all the crap that flows from their mouths. A quick and easy way to do that would be to block wireless signals on Wall Street right now so the poor little protesters can't bitch about being poor while twittering away on their iPhones and Macbooks with expensive data plans.

At least all those punks wearing skinny jeans (a.k.a. women's pants) have their tiny testicles wrapped up so tight that they won't be able to breed. Plus, we could also make sure anyone wearing a fedora is chemically castrated to eliminate that part of the overall human gene pool.

It's time to call the GNAA back into action so they can organize hit teams to make it happen. It would be super sneaky since those young retards have to have at least one black or gay person in their entourage so they can pretend they're diverse and cultured. BLAM! Next thing you know, the GNAA pull's out their giant gay nigger cocks and beats them all into oblivion and end this travesty once an for all.

Bah. What do I know. I'm just a poor troll who tries to take a little time out of my day to bring a little sense back into this world full of liberal arts majors who what a 6 figure job where all they do is contemplate their naval.

Grow a pair, move out of yours parent's house, get off their health insurance and learn how to be a contributing member of society through hard work. Maybe then you'll learn that life isn't fair, you're not special and being a vegan makes you smell funny.

Now to get off my soap box. Time to get back to work so I can earn my money to pay my bills since I don't expect anyone else to do it for me.


No.114 : Anonymous [11/10/01(Sat)06:24] [Reply]

Hater Status:
[ ] not told
[X] TOLD
[X] FUCKING TOLD
[X] TOLDASAURUS REX
[X] No country for told men
[X] Knights of the told Republic
[X] ToldSpice
[X] The Elder Tolds IV: Oblivious
[X] Command & Conquer: Toldberian Sun
[X] GuiTold Hero: World Told
[X] Told King of Boletaria
[X] Countold Strike
[X] Unreal Toldament
[X] Stone-told Steve Austin
[X] Half Life 2: Episode Told
[X] World of Warcraft: Catoldclysm
[X] Roller Coaster Toldcoon
[X] Assassin's Creed: Tolderhood
[X] Battletolds
[X] S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shatold of Chernobyl
[X] Toldasauraus Rex 2: Electric Toldaloo
[X] Told of Duty 4: Modern Toldfare
[X] Pokemon Told and Silver
[X] The Legend of Eldorado : The Lost City of Told
[X] Rampage: Toldal Destruction
[X] Told Fortress Classic
[X] Toldman: Arkham Told
[X] The Good, The Bad, and The Told
[X] Super Mario SunTold

Comment too long. Click here for full text.


No.113 : Anonymous [11/03/28(Mon)12:39] [Reply]

This is super old but facebook was all "memorable posts" or some shit. Anyway, ice cream is pretty god damned disgusting considering that it's filled with MILK. Milk, as I'm sure everyone knows, is full of pus and bacteria. You see, boiling milk doesn't get rid of the bad things living in it, just the good ones. That's why they have to "fortify" milk, giving it vitamins (and whatever else they add), in order to replace what has been removed. The only reason they used to boil milk was for longevity, during transportation and for storage. Fortunately, we now have cooling devices available to everyone. This is why in the majority of the world a company is not forced to boil their milk before selling it. Only in North America (and possibly, now, in the UK) is it a requirement. That is all.


No.108 : Anonymous [10/11/27(Sat)00:48] [Reply]

You clearly fail to understand the message of all those misogyny threads. Feminism did not spawn total sluttiness. Total sluttiness is a woman's natural state; it is her animal nature. Traditional society created rules and taboos to restrain that sluttiness. Feminism attacked traditional society and encouraged barbarism over civilized behavior.

At the same time, feminists are also spreading frigid sex hate in order to replace the traditional culture with their own agenda. They desire to oppress other women, and therefore teach them that sex is degrading, so the feminists can reserve the power of sex for themselves. It is the height of hypocrisy.

Feminists are oppressing other women as well as men, condemning sex while using it for their personal advantage, and speaking of equality while discriminating against everyone who isn't one of them. This is exactly the type of behavior seen by groups such as the Nazis and Soviet communist party.

We, being civilized and intelligent people, reject both the lie-ridden corruption of feminism and the mindless self-destruction of barbarism.

No.112 : Anonymous [10/12/16(Thu)03:55] []

That made no fucking sense


No.110 : Anonymous [10/12/04(Sat)21:12] [Reply]

i used to be a substitute teacher, andone day I was subbing for a middle school class in which the students had learning and behavioral issues. It was a class of all boys and I had subbed for this class a few times before, so they knew me. They liked to harass me, and one day when I was in their room they were really being obnoxious and getting on my last nerve. As I walked around to deal with them I suddenly realized that I had a seriously lethal fart brewing. I mean this was the kind that burns your ass as it leaves. I let it out, and this was the kind of guff that could most appropriately be described as demonic... I mean this fart had horns. When it hit all I could hear from the students was gasping and groans. "Someone just let out the worst fart ever! Please can I move?" They all were asking to move their seats to escape ground zero. None of them ever suspected me. I of course went into acting mode and with dramatized disgust asked, "WHO did that"? They blamed one kid... Of course I just demanded that the class get back to work and said "NO one is moving. Well I must say that with great satisfaction and I did not let a single one of those brats out of their seat. Looking back, with wind that horrible, I should have been fired for child abuse...


No.107 : Anonymous [10/11/26(Fri)10:18] [Reply]

One time I was walking along my street. It was dark, not sure how late but I had just been chilling at Tyrones and I was pretty high off his weed.

Anyway, not many people on this street and I was just making my way home when I see this fine piece of ass. Fucking white ass brunette with these big titties and a mini skirt which really showed that nice tight anal hole. I just wanted to pinch it and grab those big ol' titties.

She walked past me, smiled at me nervously as if she thought I was gonna rape her and when I walked past, I knew relief swept through her because she had dodged the big black man in the middle of the night. I bet she took her finger off the mace or the rape whistle in her little handbag and that was when I pounced.

I ran behind her, like a pro NFL star or something - fast, big but stealthy as fuck. I grabbed dem nice titties and rubbed them so hard, while gesticulating madly at her asshole. She squealed but I knew she was loving it. I felt up her skirt and her panties were drenched.

I asked if she wanted to come back to my place. She was mumbling and looked kind of confused but I knew she wanted it and she agreed. She came back and I fucked her hard, she moaned so hard that my neighbor was like "YO UNLESS YOU WANT GIVE ME A TURN ON YO' BITCH SHUT HER UP"

So, anyway. I guess what I'm saying is, go for it OP.

No.109 : Anonymous [10/11/29(Mon)03:56] []

very touching story...


No.104 : Anonymous [10/11/26(Fri)08:47] [Reply]

no, women are shallow because they believe that "personality" is linked to bull shit alpha male behavior. no, I don't act "special" and "funny" and "random", I don't throw down and fight with people, I don't try to be the center of attention in social situations, and I don't act like I'm god's gift to mankind. that shit has nothing to do with personality. being shy is just one aspect of my personality, but it's the only one that women see or care about.

No.105 : Anonymous [10/11/26(Fri)09:01] []

There's no more reason to hate a woman for being stupid than to hate a cripple for being unable to run.

It's just nature.

No.106 : Anonymous [10/11/26(Fri)09:11] []

When a guy really loves a women it goes something like this.

I can't live without her, she's my everything, she's literally my entire life, if I woke up tomorrow and she was gone I don't know what I'd do I'd be lost and confused. I love her with my entire heart she is my world.

Girls can be like that about shoes.


No.103 : Anonymous [10/11/26(Fri)08:15] [Reply]

Only a male intellect clouded by the sexual drive could call the stunted, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped and short-legged sex the fair sex: for it is with this drive that all its beauty is bound up. More fittingly than the fair sex, women could be called the unaesthetic sex. Neither for music, nor poetry, nor the plastic arts do they possess any real feeling or receptivity: if they affect to do so, it is merely mimicry in service of their effort to please. This comes from the fact that they are incapable of taking a purely objective interest in anything whatever, and the reason for this is, I think, as follows. Man strives in everything for a direct domination over things, either by comprehending or by subduing them. But woman is everywhere and always relegated to a merely indirect domination, which is achieved by means of man, who is consequently the only thing she has to dominate directly. Thus it lies in the nature of women to regard everything simply as a means of capturing a man, and their interest in anything else is only simulated, is no more than a detour, i.e. amounts to coquetry and mimicry.


Advertisements

None right now!

Delete Post
[ ]
Page Selection
[0] [1] [ 2 ] [3] [4] [5]

BACK TO TOP