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"A few years ago, a mother and father decided they needed a break, so they wanted to head out for a night on the town. They called their most trusted babysitter. When the babysitter arrived, the two children were already fast asleep in bed. So the babysitter just got to sit around and make sure everything was okay with the bastard children. Later that night, the babysitter got bored and went to watch TV, but she couldn't watch it downstairs because they did not have cable downstairs (the parents didn't want bastard children watching too much garbage). So, she called them and asked them if she could watch cable in the parent's room. Of course, the parents said it was ok, but the babysitter had one final request... she asked if she could cover up the owl statue in their bedroom with a blanket or cloth, because it made her nervous. The phone line was silent for a moment, and the father who was talking to the babysitter at the time said, "Take the children and get out of the house... we will call the police. We do not have an owl statue."
The children and the babysitter were murdered by the owl. It turned out to be that the owl was a killer that escaped from jail. If you do not repost this within five minutes the owl will be standing next to your bed at 3:00 a.m. with a knife in his beak."
Have you ever shaken someone's hand and in the same instant, felt every bone in your fingers and palm shatter? Or, even worse, felt like you were shaking the fin on a dead fish?
Handshakes have been around since the birth of civilization. In fact, they were originally a way to prove you had no weapons in your hand when meeting someone new (given today's state of affairs, that might not be a bad idea). Nowadays, we use handshakes in meetings, greetings, offering congratulations, closing a business deal or sometimes just to say, "How's it goin'?"
No matter the basis of your handshake, it should become part of your repertoire. Handshakes are a sign of trust and help build strong relationships. Imagine meeting a well-groomed, well-dressed expert for the first time -- but when you shake his/her hand, you feel like you're grabbing an infant's PENIS.
Sometimes these "heartwarming" stories are a bit too sappy for me but this one is truly interesting...
In 1986, Mikele Mebembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mikele approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mikele worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mikele stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted lou dly, turned, and walked away.. Mikele never forgot that elephant or the event s of that day.
Twenty years later, Mikele was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mikele and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mikele, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mikele couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mikele summoned up his courage, climbed over th e railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mikele's legsand slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant.
If all goes as planned, some poor fuck will be traumatized for life from seeing you giving yourself a blowjob with you own decapitated head.
Me ,my older sister and her boyfriend went on a summer trip on a island ,i didnt knew why she took me with her (also i hate her boyfriend he is a wigger) but i went just for the fun3 days of boredom passed until the 4th day came....
I wake up and my sis had sent her boyfriend to the market to buy food ,drinks and stuff so it was just me and her.
I didnt even imagine what could follow......i went to the toilet to take my morning piss and heard her steps behind me ,i said "coming out in a momment" and she replyed : "You dont have too"just before i could say "Wha-" she was in front of my kissing me and jerking my cock ,i was totaly socked, she said to me that anything that will hapend now will not be told to anyone....she took me a 10 minute blowjob....i couldnt believe that the first girl i cummed on was my sis....she took me to her room when we got naked and had sex ,i wanted to wear a condom but she said but its better without it.....after 20 minutes of sis-fucking i asked her why she did thisshe only replied "I just cant stand the fact that you are a 17 years old virgin"
i'll never forget her......she died 2 years ago at the age of 25
why am i crying?
Ever since we were little, my sister Keri had this kind of crush on me.She was always hanging around me and wanted to do whatever I did.I didn't mind it though, we got along with each other.But as we started growing up, I began to notice that it was more than just sibling affection.
By the time we were both young adults, Keri had started acting differently around me.She was still friendly and all, but she was never embarrassed to change in front of me or use the bathroom when I was in there.Sometimes she would come in without knocking, and stand there watching me pee.Then when I was finished, she'd come over and use the toilet right in front of me.Or if I was taking a shower, she would come in and undress to her underwear.After I'd step out of the shower and dry off, all the while naked while she watched me in the mirror,she'd head for the shower and quickly strip her underwear off for me to see.
I didn't mind the shows, of course.It was kind of exciting to be naked in front of her, and she must have felt the same way.But she never said anything about it. I fully expected things to change over time, but I was wrong.In fact, things really started to heated up.
Keri had really grown into a beautiful girl.She had a nice body, with all the right curves even though she was thin.She wasn't ashamed of showing off her breasts either, which were slightly larger than normal.In fact, I got the feeling she liked it when I saw them, because she was always giving me plenty of opportunity to see them.
One time, we were both in the bathroom, having just finished our showers.I put a towel around my waist, but she was sitting naked on the edge of the bathtub shaving her legs.I could watch her in the mirror while I combed my hair.She spread her legs apart, giving me a very open view of her crotch.Then she began to shave her pussy, right in front of me.This was a new sight for me, even after all of the times we'd been naked in front of each other.
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Jake sat down, a pair of his mom's thong bikini bottoms held in his fist, he wrapped the thong around his cock and started pumping his big 8 inch shaved cock and balls, he grunted as he felt his cum rising, he massaged his balls with one hand, while jerking off with the other. Suddenly the phone rang, Jake stopped pulling off, and got up, it was his mom Ronna. Ronna and Jake had been sleeping together for a while, Ronna explained she would be home late, she was stuck at work, Jake cursed, thinking he'd have to get back to jerking off, he needed to cum, and she wasn't around to help.
Angrily Jake hung up, and returned to the lounge, a knock came from the front door, Jake opened it, and his cousin Lisa stood there. She was attractive, dark complexion, very tanned, brown long curly hair. She was a quite thin, very small breasts. She was also a crack addict.
Jake let her in, and they sat down, Lisa looked serious, she was wearing a brown skirt, down just below her knees, with a black blazer, she must have just finished work.
Lisa asked where Jake's mom was, he explained she wouldn't be home for a few hours. Looking into Jakes eyes, Lisa explained she had something difficult to ask him, she was nervous, and she didn't want him discussing this business with anyone else. Jake agreed, looking into his eyes, Lisa explained she was desperate for a hit, she was flat broke, and needed cash fast, she told him that for 100 bucks, she was his, to do with as he wished, any hole, ass, mouth what ever, she needed cash and badly.
Jakes cock sprang back to life in seconds, he looked her up and down, she had a decent body, small tits, but long tanned legs, it took him exactly 5 seconds to have his fat smooth cock out. He slowly started jerking off, and told her to dance for him.
Lisa got up, and slowly, danced, she moved in a sexual fashion, her hands ran over her tits, and her pussy, she wiggled her hips, and sucked a finger while looking in his eyes.
Jake slowly moved his fist up and down his cock, he got up, took 100 bucks from his wallet and some baby oil from his mom's room. He led Lisa over to the kitchen bench, Lisa bent over it, and her firm sweet ass, looked just right to Jake. His hands wandered over her ass, caressing her through her skirt, he slowly lifted her skirt over her waist revealing, a firm tanned, ass, no panties!
He reached around to feel her pussy, trimmed neatly leaving only a thin line above her vagina, he played with her clit as he ground his cock against her ass crack.
Ever since I was 16 I had had the hots for my cousin. We had gotten in touch with each other over emails and MSN and of course shared a lot of pictures of each other and the family. It even got to the extent of us staying up nights on end just having cam conversations with each other. She once said that when she looked good, other men telling her she looked hot didnâ€™t mean as much to her as much as me saying it meant. I clearly watched her blossom into this gorgeous 19 year old woman with the perfect c-cup tits and an ass to die for. She would share stories of her boyfriends with me and I would tell her about my girlfriends clearly noticing that she would get very protective and ask me lots of questions about the women I was dating.Anyway, since childhood I"ve been interested in the military and my career choice was to be enlisted in the army. Now we all know what"s going on in the middle east and the Canadian military being a big part of the Afghanistan mission, we were to be sent down there for a period of 6 months. Before our deployment, 700 military personnel including me were sent to Australia for "Special Tactics Combat Training Camp" to train alongside Australian military for 2 months. This camp just so happened to be just outside of Melbourne. Upon learning this, when I came home that night, I passed on this news to Kavita. Without a doubt, she was jubilant and was very much prepared to see me after 12 years. There was a sense of excitement going through me as well but I tried my best to contain it.The time finally came, so I bid farewell to my family and headed for Australia. First 3 weeks were brutal and we had a lot of harsh exercises to go through. But finally, after 3 weeks, we got a break for 4 days and I called up Kavita to make some plans with her. I made plans to visit her home and it was amazing to see everyone and it was the usual, "OH WOW U"VE GROWN SO MUCH" stuff from her parents and elder sisters. It had been a good 15 mins since I had been in the house but I couldnâ€™t see her anywhere. Then, when I was starting to believe she must not be home right now, she came down the stairs in a green low-cut top and a black capris, just smiling and waving at me. Once again I tried to contain my excitement and just politely said a brotherly Hello. My heart was racing like a fuckin horse at this moment and my eyes kept slipping down to her cleavage which was so perfectly visible.Kavita, her younger brother, and I stayed up chatting up a bit more and just catching up on stuff. Me and her didnâ€™t miss any chances of touching or playfully teasing each other the whole night. Finally we had to go to our respective beds. Lying there I couldn"t stop thinking about her and all I wanted to do was be alone with her. Next morning, we had a good breakfast and I had to go back to camp to check out all the updates. I purposely took Kavita with me as an excuse of good company and also informed the rest of them that I wanted to see the town so after showing Kavita around the base, she could take me for a round of the town. It all seemed like the perfect logical explanation so no-one around the house really hesitated to agree to it.So we headed out, first to the base, and it only took about 10 minutes to deal with the stuff there since all I had to do was sign a piece of paper. On my way there, I got asked a thousand times who Kavita was and I also noticed most men eyeing her up and down. We were out of there soon and got back in the car and headed for town. I ended up saying that since the weather was gorgeous; we should just go to a park and hang out there. She agreed. So we get to a park and were walking up the trail just casually talking and our hands kept touching each others. I finally reached over and grabbed her hand but kept walking like nothing had happened. I did notice her looking down at my hand first and then up at my face. We both knew it was inevitable, so I looked down at her, brought my head down and placed my lips onto hers. Within 5 seconds, we were lip locked and she was holding on to me tightly.I told her how Iâ€™ve waited for this moment since the day I started talking to her and she gave me a smile that made me kiss her one more time. We decided we needed to be alone so we headed for a particularly shaded area of the park where there were a lot of trees. The month was November so in Australia it was summer and everyone was hanging around the fountains and sprinklers in the centre of the park. We had the area all to ourselves and as soon as we got there, I pushed her up against a tree and once again began kissing her, this time a little harder than the last. My hands were on her perfect ass and I started to move them up slipping into her top. Soon I was squeezing her breasts from top of her bra. I felt her start to breathe heavily and also some moaning sounds began to escape her lips. She began to undo my shirt at this time and I guess she was nervous because she was having a hard time undoing the buttons. I wanted to help her but I was in no position to let go of her tits. Years of dreaming were finally coming true and I wasnâ€™t going to let it slip.She finally got my shirt undone and slid it off my shoulders. All this time, we were lip locked and didnâ€™t have a care in the world. I finally broke the kiss but went on to nibble her ears and kiss her neck. Her pink shirt had snap-on buttons so all I really had to do was hold the top and rip it open all the way to the bottom. That"s exactly what I did and within seconds it was on the ground. I got back to kissing her luscious lips while feeling her bra covered breasts against my chest. Her hands was caressing my back so I took my left hand down to her waist and opened the button of her tight jeans and then came down the zipper. While still kissing, I lowered her jeans down to her knees and played with her ass cheeks outside her thong panties. It seemed like she was melting into me because her knees started to get weak and she was bending down.I laid her on the soft grass and continued kissing her since I was on top. I moved my hands down to panties once again and slid them aside to feel that heavenly hole I only dreamt about all these years. I rubbed her cunt continuously making her moan out loud and yet her sounds being muffled by my lips. I inserted two of my fingers in her pussy and ferociously started to finger
I am fairly attractive. I'm relatively intelligent. I smell good most of the time. I am well-spoken and kind to almost everyone I meet. Generally, people are quite fond of me once they get to know me.
The problem is that I have no luck with women. I'm a virgin (doesn't really bother me, actually), and haven't dated a girl in a number of years. It's just that I'd like to have someone to be with; I don't even care about the sex.
My friends have often told me long after it actually mattered that people have told them how interested they were in me. But once I hear about this, that person has usually moved on. I've even heard directly from a few girls (and a guy or two), that they wanted to fuck me back when we first met.
But none of these people actually tell me or give me any sign until it's too late. And I don't know how to approach a girl that I'm interested in. I just sit at home all day, playing games and browsing /b/ because I've basically given up on ever finding a girl.
How do I stop doing it wrong?
I was plodding through one more hour of homework at my study desk when I heard my sister's playful voice.
"Hey big brother. Whatcha up to?" Julie said as she leaned into my room.
"Killing myself with calculus."
"Calculus? School's almost out for the year! You've got to stop studying so hard Tim-bo, you make me look bad with your straight A-s."
She was on her way up from tanning in the back yard and had on one of her skimpy bikinis. The sight of her petite, sexy frame in that flimsy suit was a welcome break from my studies.
"Besides, I need an opinion on my new tan." She continued as she pulled one side of her bikini top over to show her small, evenly tanned breast. I noted the lack of tan lines. She'd been sun bathing topless as usual. She must have put the top on just to make a show of flashing herself to me.
"Got to think about college Jules, but I'll gladly take a break to check out a sexy body." I said as I eyed her exposed tit.
"Aw, Tim, You really think my body's sexy?" she asked and released the cup of her bikini top which slid back over but caught on her now erect nipple keeping her exposed. She slid her hands down her tummy and hips seductively, stopping to work her fingers under the hem of her bikini bottom and pull it up tight into her slit.
"Hey, who said I was talking about you?"
"Oooh! You are going to get it!" she yelled as she pounced over to my desk and put me in a headlock from behind.
The situation was a bit ridiculous as she was a petite 117 pounds and I was solid 170 from weightlifting. I grasped at her small forearm that was wrapped around my neck in mock attempts to free myself.
"Argh," I gasped "can't ...breathe..." I reached up behind her head and pulled the string that tied her bikini top and pulled it across my shoulder.
"I've never had anyone give so much attention to my tits before" she said, slightly out of breath. She closed her eyes with her head back and massaged one of her breasts, the other hand still stroked the back of my hair. "Steve, would always kind of ignore them and get my panties off right away, I think he thought my tits were too small."
Steve was her ex-boyfriend, an all around asshole. I never knew why she kept him around.
"Well Steve-o never was too bright in my opinion", I said, "although I can hardly blame him for wanting to get into your sweet panties." I said, thinking I may as well go for broke.
Julie smiled coyly at that. Her face slackened after a moment and she regarded me with narrowed eyes, both of us reflecting on this new development between us. I hoped that she wouldn't end the game now. She looked down to the crotch of her bikini, which had worked up into her slit and I followed her gaze.
"And just how would you know my panties are sweet?" she asked as she took one hand from around my neck and slipped it under the top hem of her bikini bottom. I could see the material being pushed out of her slit as she made room for her finger. The hand she brought out was wet, especially her middle finger. The smell of her sex was pungent as she waved it under my nose briefly. She pulled it away from my face and regarded her slimy hand for a moment before she closed her mouth over the girl-juice covered fingers, licking them clean in long smooth motions while looking at me. I almost came right there. Then again, as close as I was, a strong breeze may have done it too.
"Hmm, it doesn't taste sweet," she said smacking her lips, " a little musky maybe." With that she dipped her hand back into her crotch but this time brought it to my lips and I dutifully sucked her fingers clean, savoring the sex-sweat-cum taste of her.
"But I'm being selfish," my sister said smiling, "here you are sucking just about every part of my me and you've just been suffering there all along." She said as her hand went to my bulging crotch. "Did I do that to you big brother? If I caused it I should at least help you take care of it hmmm?" She pushed on my chest and I felt her thighs tense as she stood up. I scooted back from the desk and half stood so she could pull my sweat pants down and off, then settled back into the chair.
"Oooh, I'm flattered" she cooed, looking at my stiff member. I was so hard that it was jerking in time with my heartbeat. She knelt down and brought her mouth almost to the head of my dick then made her mouth form a little "O" and blew on it gently while giving me a look that said 'paybacks are hell'.
"Hey honey, where's your sister?" My mom asked leaning her head into my room as I sat back on my bed, thinking about this afternoon.
My mom and sister looked a lot alike. Mom was a bit heavier but still in great shape for her 37 years. Her shoulder length hair was darker than my sister's short bob-cut sandy blonde was, but both were petite and very pretty with smallish breasts.
"Hi mom, I think I heard her in the shower." I said and was glad I could give an honest answer. Ironically, the biggest regret I had about my encounter with Julie was deceiving mom about it. We were a close family (even before this afternoon) especially since our dad had run out on us after Julie was born.
Mom didn't talk about that early part of her life much. We deduced from family gossip and from doing the math with regard to my birthday and our parents wedding day that their's had been a marriage of convenience after she got pregnant with me at a young age. Beyond that, we just knew that dad left her when he found out that Julie was on the way.
"So what did you two do today while I was shopping with your Aunt Megan?" she asked with a half smile on her lips. The way she said it almost had me thinking she knew what we did, then I quickly dismissed the thought; no way would she be this calm about it.
Well mom, I sucked Julie's beautiful tits until she came, then she blew me and I shot my load in her mouth. Did I mention she swallowed every drop? "Well I got the front yard mowed and did some studying." I answered again truthfully albeit partially. Julie saved me from any more questions though as her voice came from the hall.
"Hi mom," My sister said as she suddenly appeared in my doorway for the second time today. She had on her bathrobe and her hair hung over her forehead in half-dried strings. She approached mom from the side and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Mom pushed her soft cheek out to accept her daughter's lips - the same ones that had been wrapped around my dick only a few minutes before; I couldn't help but note. Julie's mouth came away with a smack and I saw she left moisture on mom's face.
"Ooops!" Julie said as she wiped the excess from mom's cheek. "That was a wet one, sorry mom!"
"That's ok dear," she said smiling as she brought her hand to the spot where Julie kissed her, "we're family."
"Uh, mom?" I began, as Julie and I approached our mom seated on the couch in her nightshirt. We stopped at the edge of the pit framed by the couch and two loveseats on either end.
We had sat stunned and naked on my bed for what seemed forever, then Julie left to get dressed.
I went to Julie's room after I pulled on a T-shirt and jeans and she started to apologize but I stopped her as I raised my hand. After all, it 'takes two to tango' as they say, and I told her as much.
Neither of us talked about mom's bizarre, calm demeanor after she discovered us. We sat in my sister's room and listened until the water pipes in the house went silent and we heard mom walk down the stairs. Then we started down to find out the conclusion of this Twilight Zone episode.
"Oh, hi kids. Did you order the pizza?"
"Uh....I guess I forgot..." I managed, and mom smiled, leaning her head back slightly.
"That's ok, I actually ordered it myself after I thought about it. I figured you two would be pre-occupied."
I began to really worry about mom then, thinking she really lost it after discovering us like that.
"Ok, I'll stop being coy, I know you two are wondering why I'm not angry or surprised."
Julie and I fidgeted in sort of non-committal body language, as if to say 'maybe the thought crossed our minds'.
Mom patted the empty cushions on either side of her and we dutifully took our places as she spoke.
"Actually, I was a bit surprised when I came home from shopping and found your sister kneeling between your legs."
So she had seen us there after all. I mentally rolled my eyes and wondered if this was maybe a good time to tell her that I took two dollars from her purse when I was six, but shit, maybe she knew that too. I scanned Julie's face for a reaction to mom's revelation but my sister was maintaining a poker face.
Loved it last night. Been wanting to have sex with my real dad for a long time and gets jealous when he brings his ladies home to fuck, moan and grunt while I listen to him in my room. My dad is 49y very hot, white muscular, hairy chest. Dad came home drunk last night after a night of drinking with his buddies. He went to his room and collapsed on his bed. I looked over and saw him naked with a huge hard on. I was turned on immediately. I went over and started playing with his cock, stroking and sucking it, sucking his balls and cock. I got naked and started riding his cock. It was a huge 9" and very thick. His cock filled me up completely. I rode until his woke up a little. He turned me over, I had one leg over his shoulder, his hairy chest pressing again my breasts and started pounding me deep and hard while kissing me and several positions after that. He came deep and hard inside me, what felt like 5-6 full, hard squirts and a series of softer ones, shooting his fertile sperm deep in me. I think he had a week's load in him. He collapsed and slept again. This time, I was on top of him, with his arms around me and cock still inside me, trapping his seed inside me with nowhere to go but deeper inside.. I slept on top of him for a while before sneaking back to my room before sunrise. I don't think dad knew what happened. He was too drunk. It felt so good having been fucked an bred by dad. I'd like to hear from you if you have incest experiences. It felt so wrong and yet so good and right at the same time.
We met at a cafe in Berkeley called the French Hotel. She was quietly experimenting with chords on the old upright piano by the bar, interesting, dissonant chords that reminded me of McCoy Tyner, stacked thirds and such. I was seated at a small table in the back with my 17" MacBook Pro, downloading, as fate would have it, some late-fifties Coltrane, and as a joke I fired up Sebelius and started mimicking some of the chords she was playing. She smiled at me, and prestissimo, thanks to my Mac the ice was broken. We ended up spending the afternoon together, then agreed to meet again the next day. Long story short, she invited me back to her apartment. She asked me if she could 'explore' my Mac, she promised to be real careful. Would I be willing to give her a 'tutorial' ? Of course, I said. We ended up lying on our stomachs on her bed (actually it was tatami mats with really comfortable quilts and pillows) and I guided her through the eye candy and other nifty features until she suddenly giggled and said, ''wow, I grok this, this is like so totally liberating...'
Then she was off on her own, creating wildly with a sense of liberating exhileration that only the Mac cognoscenti can truly understand. While she was exploring new chord forms and creating remarkable drum loops in Garage Band, I lifted the hem of her skirt and gently touched the back of her thigh with my fingertips. She sighed and lifted her rump, exposing violet underpants. Parting her legs, I couldn't fail to notice the dark wet spot in the center of the bandeau of her panties. While she continued to type, email, and surf the net, I tugged at the waistband of her underpants until her buttocks were bare. She sighed again as I parted her cheeks and lowered my face into her treasure trove. The heat of her anus radiated bliss and I kissed, then moistened her opening with my tongue until she groaned and began to grind herself against my face. Moments later, my cock was pressed into her crack and she cried out as my glans pressed against, and then past, her sphinctre. By now she had figured out how to use iTunes and was browsing my library, emitting astonished gasps of recognition at my unusual and admittedly elitist tastes. She lingered over a rare recording of Scriabine's Opus 32 in G as I began to thrust leisurely, my cock deep in her rectum. There was no need to rush, the music inspired our rhythms, and although it was difficult, I didn't come until she had had three shuddering anal climaxes, her fingers clawing at the bedlinens until I emptied myself deep inside her, somewhere behind her solar plexus. Then she kissed me and her mouth and tongue and breath tasted of coffee. The MacBook Pro whispered a Bach Cantata as she tripped off to the small bathroom and sat on the toilet with the door open, smiling radiantly as I listened to J.S. and the staccato music of her spermy farts.