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No.71 : Anonymous [10/05/21(Fri)09:41] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

I just switched from iPhone to Android and I find that Android devices are just too wide, too big for me. The iPhone was slim. Smoooooth. Shiny. I could place it upright on a chair and just sit on it.

But what of the Androids? They're ridiculously fat and require a concoction of KY Jelly and Preparation H to "work for me." They're so rough and unrefined -- they're the "lumberjack bears" of portable phones. Rough, I like. But I still have to go out and be able to sit down without wincing. The roughness of the operating system is fine, I'll deal with that...but please, please make something that fits in my ass! Work with me, ladies!

No.42 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:44] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

Dear /b/,

I am fairly attractive. I'm relatively intelligent. I smell good most of the time. I am well-spoken and kind to almost everyone I meet. Generally, people are quite fond of me once they get to know me.

The problem is that I have no luck with women. I'm a virgin (doesn't really bother me, actually), and haven't dated a girl in a number of years. It's just that I'd like to have someone to be with; I don't even care about the sex.

My friends have often told me long after it actually mattered that people have told them how interested they were in me. But once I hear about this, that person has usually moved on. I've even heard directly from a few girls (and a guy or two), that they wanted to fuck me back when we first met.

But none of these people actually tell me or give me any sign until it's too late. And I don't know how to approach a girl that I'm interested in. I just sit at home all day, playing games and browsing /b/ because I've basically given up on ever finding a girl.

How do I stop doing it wrong?

No.63 : Anonymous [10/03/31(Wed)12:26] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

In other news a Mr. Dick Johnson also known to some as Richard Johnson was arrested last night for the use of his obscene name on the internet. Mr Johnson, a youth councelor at a local elementary school, was exposed to have an obscene name on the internet by the social networking service Google Buzz.

"We never questioned the mans name," spoke a school representative, "until he was found using the internet. I guess he contacted one of the parents and with the whole social-thingy-network of the Googles his name spread to children online. Stern action must be taken against people with silly names and Google to protect our children."

In the meantime an organisation has formed to protest this incident. The organisation known as "Protecting Eccentric Names from Internet Surfers" (P.E.N.I.S.) is making a stance against social networking incidents where the use of proper names has sparked incidents with parents of young children. Willy Dickins, head of the P.E.N.I.S. committee, commented that his name has often lead to misunderstandings. "Last year I got arrested for befriending someone on facebook and trying to send them a message", Willy spoke, "since that day I've been using the pseudonym FreeWilly, which is symbolic for me wanting to be free to use my own name again."

"It's all about the perception of my name and the context people see it in." said private Parts, a soldier in marine corps, "When I go online with my rank and surname, people automatically label me as a pervert.". The ever growing member list of P.E.N.I.S. shows that this problem is growing fast, and with the advent of technology expanding into areas where children may be confronted with these dubious names.

No.64 : Anonymous [10/03/31(Wed)12:27] [Report] []

"And when it comes to technology expanding into areas where children are, members are saying that P.E.N.I.S. is growing faster than ever."

No.62 : Anonymous [10/03/09(Tue)00:39] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

It has come to my attention that the entire Linux community is a hotbed of so called 'alternative sexuality', which includes anything from hedonistic orgies to homosexuality to paedophilia.

What better way of demonstrating this than by looking at the hidden messages contained within the names of some of Linux's most outspoken advocates:
Linus Torvalds [] is an anagram of slit anus or VD 'L,' clearly referring to himself by the first initial.
Richard M. Stallman [], spokespervert for the Gaysex's Not Unusual 'movement' is an anagram of mans cram thrill ad.
Alan Cox [] is barely an anagram of anal cox which is just so filthy and unchristian it unnerves me.

I'm sure that Eric S. Raymond, composer of the satanic homosexual [] propaganda diatribe The Cathedral and the Bizarre, is probably an anagram of something queer, but we don't need to look that far as we know he's always shoving a gun up some poor little boy's rectum. Update: Eric S. Raymond is actually an anagram for secondary rim and cord in my arse. It just goes to show you that he is indeed queer.

Update the Second: It is also documented that Evil Sicko Gaymond is responsible for a nauseating piece of code called Fetchmail [], which is obviously sinister sodomite slang for 'Felch Male' -- a disgusting practise. For those not in the know, 'felching' is the act performed by two perverts wherein one sucks their own post-coital ejaculate out of the other's rectum. In fact, it appears that the dirty Linux faggots set out to undermine the good Republican institution of e-mail, turning it into 'e-male.'

As far as Richard 'Master' Stallman goes, that filthy fudge-packer was actually quoted [] on leftist commie propaganda site as saying the following: 'I've been resistant to the pressure to conform in any circumstance,' he says. 'It's about being able to question conventional wisdom,' he asserts. 'I believe in love, but not monogamy,' he says plainly.

And this isn't a made up troll bullshit either! He actually stated this tripe, which makes it obvious that he is trying to politely say that he's a flaming homo [] slut []!

Speaking about 'flaming,' who better to point out as a filthy chutney ferret than Slashdot's very own self-confessed pederast Jon Katz. Although an obvious deviant anagram cannot be found from his name, he has already confessed, nay boasted of the homosexual [] perversion of corrupting the innocence of young children []. To quote from the article linked:

'I've got a rare kidney disease,' I told her. 'I have to go to the bathroom a lot. You can come with me if you want, but it takes a while. Is that okay with you? Do you want a note from my doctor?'

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No.51 : Anonymous Writer [09/09/11(Fri)07:57] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

Moot is a faggot.

Lol at trying to "sell" 4chan for US$ 500 million.

Moot didnt create 4chan.

4chan was created by the cumulative uprotected intellectual property of millions of anons, which faggots like Moot and Eric Nakagawa have stolen from to fuel their weeaboo fantasies.

Its bad enough that Eric Nakagawa stole our caturday meme and sold it off for US$3 million as Do we want all our memes to be sold off by some "Christopher Weeaboole" in the very same way?

Fuck that.

Flame on faggots, suck moot's dick all you want, heres the reality, if moot cashes out on 4chan, youre not going to get any dividends, and you'll just be one of millions who got screwed over.

I dont remember getting any part of the profits from Nakagawa's 3 million deal, for all the OC that ive contributed to the caturday meme.


Dont go about associating the greatness of /b/, a platform for unhibited intellectual property and creativity, with the likes of moot.

Moot was nothing but a 16 year old weeaboo fag when he created his weeaboo board to "talk about japenis anime with his friends", he had little hand in the makings of the greatness of /b/, if anything, his modfaggotry and overcompensative banning has limited the intellectual creativity of an otherwise limitless platform.

No.61 : Anonymous [10/02/01(Mon)23:04] [Report] []

but moots' gotzdacash. watchugot nikka?

No.47 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:48] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

Ever since I was 16 I had had the hots for my cousin. We had gotten in touch with each other over emails and MSN and of course shared a lot of pictures of each other and the family. It even got to the extent of us staying up nights on end just having cam conversations with each other. She once said that when she looked good, other men telling her she looked hot didn’t mean as much to her as much as me saying it meant. I clearly watched her blossom into this gorgeous 19 year old woman with the perfect c-cup tits and an ass to die for.
She would share stories of her boyfriends with me and I would tell her about my girlfriends clearly noticing that she would get very protective and ask me lots of questions about the women I was dating.Anyway, since childhood I"ve been interested in the military and my career choice was to be enlisted in the army. Now we all know what"s going on in the middle east and the Canadian military being a big part of the Afghanistan mission, we were to be sent down there for a period of 6 months. Before our deployment, 700 military personnel including me were sent to Australia for "Special Tactics Combat Training Camp" to train alongside Australian military for 2 months. This camp just so happened to be just outside of Melbourne. Upon learning this, when I came home that night, I passed on this news to Kavita. Without a doubt, she was jubilant and was very much prepared to see me after 12 years. There was a sense of excitement going through me as well but I tried my best to contain it.The time finally came, so I bid farewell to my family and headed for Australia. First 3 weeks were brutal and we had a lot of harsh exercises to go through. But finally, after 3 weeks, we got a break for 4 days and I called up Kavita to make some plans with her. I made plans to visit her home and it was amazing to see everyone and it was the usual, "OH WOW U"VE GROWN SO MUCH" stuff from her parents and elder sisters. It had been a good 15 mins since I had been in the house but I couldn’t see her anywhere. Then, when I was starting to believe she must not be home right now, she came down the stairs in a green low-cut top and a black capris, just smiling and waving at me. Once again I tried to contain my excitement and just politely said a brotherly Hello. My heart was racing like a fuckin horse at this moment and my eyes kept slipping down to her cleavage which was so perfectly visible.Kavita, her younger brother, and I stayed up chatting up a bit more and just catching up on stuff. Me and her didn’t miss any chances of touching or playfully teasing each other the whole night. Finally we had to go to our respective beds. Lying there I couldn"t stop thinking about her and all I wanted to do was be alone with her. Next morning, we had a good breakfast and I had to go back to camp to check out all the updates. I purposely took Kavita with me as an excuse of good company and also informed the rest of them that I wanted to see the town so after showing Kavita around the base, she could take me for a round of the town. It all seemed like the perfect logical explanation so no-one around the house really hesitated to agree to it.So we headed out, first to the base, and it only took about 10 minutes to deal with the stuff there since all I had to do was sign a piece of paper. On my way there, I got asked a thousand times who Kavita was and I also noticed most men eyeing her up and down. We were out of there soon and got back in the car and headed for town. I ended up saying that since the weather was gorgeous; we should just go to a park and hang out there. She agreed. So we get to a park and were walking up the trail just casually talking and our hands kept touching each others. I finally reached over and grabbed her hand but kept walking like nothing had happened. I did notice her looking down at my hand first and then up at my face. We both knew it was inevitable, so I looked down at her, brought my head down and placed my lips onto hers. Within 5 seconds, we were lip locked and she was holding on to me tightly.I told her how I’ve waited for this moment since the day I started talking to her and she gave me a smile that made me kiss her one more time. We decided we needed to be alone so we headed for a particularly shaded area of the park where there were a lot of trees. The month was November so in Australia it was summer and everyone was hanging around the fountains and sprinklers in the centre of the park. We had the area all to ourselves and as soon as we got there, I pushed her up against a tree and once again began kissing her, this time a little harder than the last. My hands were on her perfect ass and I started to move them up slipping into her top. Soon I was squeezing her breasts from top of her bra. I felt her start to breathe heavily and also some moaning sounds began to escape her lips. She began to undo my shirt at this time and I guess she was nervous because she was having a hard time undoing the buttons. I wanted to help her but I was in no position to let go of her tits. Years of dreaming were finally coming true and I wasn’t going to let it slip.She finally got my shirt undone and slid it off my shoulders. All this time, we were lip locked and didn’t have a care in the world. I finally broke the kiss but went on to nibble her ears and kiss her neck. Her pink shirt had snap-on buttons so all I really had to do was hold the top and rip it open all the way to the bottom. That"s exactly what I did and within seconds it was on the ground. I got back to kissing her luscious lips while feeling her bra covered breasts against my chest. Her hands was caressing my back so I took my left hand down to her waist and opened the button of her tight jeans and then came down the zipper. While still kissing, I lowered her jeans down to her knees and played with her ass cheeks outside her thong panties. It seemed like she was melting into me because her knees started to get weak and she was bending down.I laid her on the soft grass and continued kissing her since I was on top. I moved my hands down to panties once again and slid them aside to feel that heavenly hole I only dreamt about all these years. I rubbed her cunt continuously making her moan out loud and yet her sounds being muffled by my lips. I inserted two of my fingers in her pussy and ferociously started to finger

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No.48 : Anonymous Writer [09/07/31(Fri)21:53] [Report] []
No.50 : Anonymous Writer [09/09/02(Wed)16:07] [Report] []

Very good story.

No.59 : Anonymous [09/11/17(Tue)15:55] [Report] []

I liked it.

No.60 : Anonymous [09/12/12(Sat)09:46] [Report] []

One minor issue, Afghanistan isn't in the middle east, as a soldier would know.

No.56 : Alex Meanberg [09/11/12(Thu)00:56] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]
/ / \

/ \
| )
| O O /

 \     \
\ \
_\ \__ It is not easy being a dick!
/__\ __ )I've got a head I can't think with it,
\\ _| // and eye's I can't see out of,
\_) // I have to hang around with
/ `-'\ two nuts all the time,
/ / \my closest neighbor is an asshole,
/ | |and my best friend is a pussy!
| | |
| \ /
\____/ `---'
| | | |_
_| | |___)

No.54 : Anonymous Writer [09/10/28(Wed)22:50] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

Germany is like why must you chase meatballs, Italy.
In your dreams.
Japan "Lets exclude the retarded"
Switzerland drops dead.
China dies in a freak pole vaulting accident.
Spain gored by American Eagle.
France plays with Spain's remains.
Sweden comforts Prussia.
But seriously, Japan just needs to blow America and get over it.
And the holy roman empire just needs to...go away.
And leave Italy alone.
That wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Rome can just make love to anyone it wants.
Mostly Italy, when Germany is to drunk to notice.

No.55 : Anonymous Writer [09/10/28(Wed)22:55] [Report] []


No.49 : Anonymous Writer [09/08/30(Sun)09:25] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

I agree. WAY too many people are listening to iPods turned up to 11 on earbuds. I cannot imagine this is "good for them".

high freq is the first to go, so a distorted high end combined with a loss of any real soundstage (which is compounded by turning the LA2A compressors up to max to pump the sound even more at mastering) feeds the material effect of the sound for the sociological issues described in TFA.

In 30 years, when the oil's gone and hordes of cannibalistic zombies wander the ruins of Western Civilisation, these young punks will be easy pickins. Deaf as posts, obese, incapable of complex or convoluted thought, lazy, self absorbed, crybabies with a massive bolt of self-entitlement. Yep. They won't be able to feed themselves and will either join the zombie hordes or be eaten by them.

All thanks to the iPod and the Xbox.

Yep yep, I tell ya. Things just haven't been right since the Coolidge Administration. Zombie hordes back then? Fuck - we'd hear 'em from MILES away...


The sound of zombies. Heck - we'd just sit on our porch with a shovel and beat the fucking crap out of them. None of this "Oh, I'm sorry, did that hurt?"" No way. It's more like "I'M (smack!) GIVING (smack!) YOU (smack!) THE (smack!) BEATING (smack!) YOUR (smack!) MOMMY (smack!) AND (smack!) DADDY (smack!) NEVER (smack!) GAVE (smack!) YOU, (smack!)YOU (smack!) STUPID (smack!) FAT (smack!) FUCK! (smack!)(smack!)(smack!)

Yep. THAT would teach them fat zombie fucks a thing or two.

S, if you wanna do something for the future that's REALLY worth doing, do this to your kids:

  1. DON'T be their friend. Be their PARENT. And sometimes the parent has to be the avatar of the kid's bad karma. Punishment is good when doled out judiciously and without mercy.
  2. Take away the iPod. They want to listen to music? They listen over speakers and at a reasonable volume, because they have to live with others.
  3. Get rid of your TV set.
  4. Read books, and have your kids read books.

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No.41 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:43] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

Jake sat down, a pair of his mom's thong bikini bottoms held in his fist, he wrapped the thong around his cock and started pumping his big 8 inch shaved cock and balls, he grunted as he felt his cum rising, he massaged his balls with one hand, while jerking off with the other. Suddenly the phone rang, Jake stopped pulling off, and got up, it was his mom Ronna. Ronna and Jake had been sleeping together for a while, Ronna explained she would be home late, she was stuck at work, Jake cursed, thinking he'd have to get back to jerking off, he needed to cum, and she wasn't around to help.

Angrily Jake hung up, and returned to the lounge, a knock came from the front door, Jake opened it, and his cousin Lisa stood there. She was attractive, dark complexion, very tanned, brown long curly hair. She was a quite thin, very small breasts. She was also a crack addict.

Jake let her in, and they sat down, Lisa looked serious, she was wearing a brown skirt, down just below her knees, with a black blazer, she must have just finished work.

Lisa asked where Jake's mom was, he explained she wouldn't be home for a few hours. Looking into Jakes eyes, Lisa explained she had something difficult to ask him, she was nervous, and she didn't want him discussing this business with anyone else. Jake agreed, looking into his eyes, Lisa explained she was desperate for a hit, she was flat broke, and needed cash fast, she told him that for 100 bucks, she was his, to do with as he wished, any hole, ass, mouth what ever, she needed cash and badly.

Jakes cock sprang back to life in seconds, he looked her up and down, she had a decent body, small tits, but long tanned legs, it took him exactly 5 seconds to have his fat smooth cock out. He slowly started jerking off, and told her to dance for him.

Lisa got up, and slowly, danced, she moved in a sexual fashion, her hands ran over her tits, and her pussy, she wiggled her hips, and sucked a finger while looking in his eyes.

Jake slowly moved his fist up and down his cock, he got up, took 100 bucks from his wallet and some baby oil from his mom's room. He led Lisa over to the kitchen bench, Lisa bent over it, and her firm sweet ass, looked just right to Jake. His hands wandered over her ass, caressing her through her skirt, he slowly lifted her skirt over her waist revealing, a firm tanned, ass, no panties!

He reached around to feel her pussy, trimmed neatly leaving only a thin line above her vagina, he played with her clit as he ground his cock against her ass crack.

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No.46 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:47] [Report] []

I had seen her playing in the park now and then. A young and pretty girl of maybe nine. I never thought too much about her though except her sharp and beautiful eyes.
I always went to the park on my lunch hour when the weather permitted.
Office work can make you crazy if you don't go outside and remember the real world. It gave me perspective. Sun, trees, and children playing.
I guess I remembered that one girl because of how unique her eyes were, and when I watched, she always seemed to know and turn and smile. I, of course, would turn away. I wasn't any kind of pervert, and children were just children to me.
It was when that particular girl dragged an older boy into the trees by the hand that I became curious. Innocently, I followed thinking I was going to catch them at their first kiss. I didn't get too close and I stayed quiet as
I wasn't prepared for what I saw. The pretty child with the great eyes was on her knees and blowing the older boy. I mean really blowing like a pro, head bobbing and all!
I should have stayed quiet but I said, "What the...?" before I could get a grip. Both kids turned and saw me then ran like hell the other direction. I should have tried to stop them and explain why what they were doing was wrong, but my only real thought was, why didn't I get a blow job when I was in school?
Kids were growing up quicker nowadays I guessed.
I didn't see the boy ever again but the next day, I did see her. She kept looking at me like she was working herself up the courage to talk to me. I guess she had it because she did walk over after many minutes of our watching each other.
"Hi." she said.
"Hello." I replied. "So, what is your name?"
"It depends." she answered.
"Are you going to tell on me?"
There it was. She was probably embarrassed and afraid of getting into trouble, or at least teased. "Tell me why I shouldn't."
Her bright eyes flashed. They were very beautiful. Full of confidence and a little mischief. She said, "Because It's none of your business. I wasn't hurting you or anyone else. And I know what I was doing."
"Are you telling me that it was your idea?" I asked.
"Yes. That's exactly what I'm telling you. I knew what I was doing and so did he."
Now, I didn't have a lot of experience with children, but something about the way she was talking wasn't anything like I was expecting. I don't know, maybe I was expecting baby talk. This child seemed smart to me. "You do make a

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No.43 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:44] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

For all litfags who haven't seen this author:

Excerpt from "Checkup":

The twins, Sam and Kyle, were ten years old. They sat together on the edge of the cot in the pediatrician’s small office, swinging their legs over the side. Both looked angelic with soft, pale hair and wide blue eyes. Their mother stood impatiently to one side, tapping her foot.

With a soft click, the exam-room door opened and the young doctor came in, a man in his late twenties with immaculate short dark hair that contrasted against his white lab coat. He looked down at the clipboard in his hands, then looked up at the boys with a smile. “Hey Sam, Kyle,” he said. “How’s it going? Why don’t you two get undressed so we can start the exam?”

“I’m sorry Dr. Taki,” interrupted their mother, “but do I need to stay for the exam? I have some important errands to run and not a lot of time. Can I just come pick them up once I’m done?”

“Of course,” said the doctor. “With both of them, it should take a while anyway. I’ll send a nurse to sit with them out in the waiting room when we’re done in here. You can pick them up from there.”

“Wonderful,” said the harried woman. She leaned down and kissed each boy on the cheek. “You be good and do what the doctor says,” she told them. Then, with a swoosh of her skirt and a hike of her purse to her shoulder, she breezed out the door.

The doctor shut it behind her with a soft but firm click, and turned the door latch to lock it. He smiled at the boys, who looked nervous. “Aren’t you going to get undressed?” he asked.

Hesitantly, the boys began to disrobe, lifting their shirts over their heads with some trepidation, and then dropping their pants quickly, embarrassed.

Sam finished first and the doctor smiled, moving over to him and running his hands over the child’s body. He listened to the boy’s heart and took his pulse, looked in his ears, eyes, and mouth. By the time this was done, his brother had finished disrobing, and the doctor looked him over as well. When he had finished the same examinations on Kyle’s body, he let his hands linger on the child’s ribs, dragging his fingers slowly down each ridge as the child’s body rose and fell with breath underneath the digits.

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No.38 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:43] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

Ever since we were little, my sister Keri had this kind of crush on me.
She was always hanging around me and wanted to do whatever I did.
I didn't mind it though, we got along with each other.
But as we started growing up, I began to notice that it was more than just sibling affection.

By the time we were both young adults, Keri had started acting differently around me.
She was still friendly and all, but she was never embarrassed to change in front of me or use the bathroom when I was in there.
Sometimes she would come in without knocking, and stand there watching me pee.
Then when I was finished, she'd come over and use the toilet right in front of me.
Or if I was taking a shower, she would come in and undress to her underwear.
After I'd step out of the shower and dry off, all the while naked while she watched me in the mirror,
she'd head for the shower and quickly strip her underwear off for me to see.

I didn't mind the shows, of course.
It was kind of exciting to be naked in front of her, and she must have felt the same way.
But she never said anything about it. I fully expected things to change over time, but I was wrong.
In fact, things really started to heated up.

Keri had really grown into a beautiful girl.
She had a nice body, with all the right curves even though she was thin.
She wasn't ashamed of showing off her breasts either, which were slightly larger than normal.
In fact, I got the feeling she liked it when I saw them, because she was always giving me plenty of opportunity to see them.

One time, we were both in the bathroom, having just finished our showers.
I put a towel around my waist, but she was sitting naked on the edge of the bathtub shaving her legs.
I could watch her in the mirror while I combed my hair.
She spread her legs apart, giving me a very open view of her crotch.
Then she began to shave her pussy, right in front of me.
This was a new sight for me, even after all of the times we'd been naked in front of each other.

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No.39 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:43] [Report] []

That night I had a hard time falling asleep. I kept thinking about what happened and whether it would happen again, and how soon.
I started to get hard thinking about it, and absent-mindedly began stroking myself to a full erection.
As I masturbated, I remembered what Keri had said to me before, and I wondered if tonight would be too soon to satisfy her request.

I glanced down the hallway before I ventured out naked towards Keri's room.
It was late and our bedrooms were a floor above our parents, so I quietly crept to her door, my dick bobbing in front of me.
I raised my hand to knock, but instead I just opened the door and stepped into her room.

She was sleeping soundly, and for a moment I pondered leaving her as she was and returning to my room.
But I was alredy horny, so I figured maybe I could leave her with a surprise.

I stood a few feet away from her and started jacking off. I was careful not to make any noise as I stroked myself while staring at her sleeping body.
Even under the covers, she looked sexy. But I wanted to see more of her, so I carefully pulled the sheet back, making sure she was still asleep.

I exposed her from the waist up and realized she was naked. I could see her chest rise and fall as she was breathing.
Her tits looked so perfect, I couldn't help touching myself as I continued to draw the sheet back.
I exposed her thighs and stopped, staring at her curves in the moonlight.
She was so damn sexy, I knew I would have no problem coming, but where would I do it?

I thought about coming on her chest again, but I had already done that. I could cum on her legs, but she would probably rub it off in the sheet.
The only part of her that she wouldn't be covering was her face.
But would that be going too far? What if she had changed her mind about the whole thing by now?
Even if she hadn't, would she be mad that I came on her face?

All of the mental images of my cum on her body were taking their toll, and I felt myself begin to peak.
I had a split second to decide, and I was already standing near her head, so I decided to go for it.

I grasped my dick harder as I felt my orgasm begin.

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No.40 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:43] [Report] []

The next morning I slept in, since it was Saturday. I was awakened by something large sitting on top of me.
I opened my eyes to see Keri's face inches from mine.

"Hey," she said, smiling.

I blinked and stirred, but she didn't move. She was straddling me, though with the covers and her clothes between us it didn't feel abnormally sexual.

"Hey," I replied. "What are you doing here?"

"Mom and Dad are gone," she said. "They won't be back until tonight."

"Oh," I said, still half-asleep.

"Thanks for the present last night," she said, her smile widening.

I felt kind of embarrassed, but proud too. "Oh, you noticed?"

She giggled. "Well, it's not everyday I wake up in the middle of the night covered in cum."

She sat up and suddenly pulled her shirt off.

"What are you doing?" I asked, admiring her breasts.

"I told you, Mom and Dad are gone. I thought I'd give you a surprise to. Today we're going to walk around the house naked."

She hopped off me and peeled her shorts off, revealing to me that she was not wearing panties.
She stood before me completely naked for a second, and then jumped back into the bed.
She straddled me again, and this time it felt very sexual.

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No.33 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:41] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

I was plodding through one more hour of homework at my study desk when I heard my sister's playful voice.

"Hey big brother. Whatcha up to?" Julie said as she leaned into my room.

"Killing myself with calculus."

"Calculus? School's almost out for the year! You've got to stop studying so hard Tim-bo, you make me look bad with your straight A-s."

She was on her way up from tanning in the back yard and had on one of her skimpy bikinis. The sight of her petite, sexy frame in that flimsy suit was a welcome break from my studies.

"Besides, I need an opinion on my new tan." She continued as she pulled one side of her bikini top over to show her small, evenly tanned breast. I noted the lack of tan lines. She'd been sun bathing topless as usual. She must have put the top on just to make a show of flashing herself to me.

"Got to think about college Jules, but I'll gladly take a break to check out a sexy body." I said as I eyed her exposed tit.

"Aw, Tim, You really think my body's sexy?" she asked and released the cup of her bikini top which slid back over but caught on her now erect nipple keeping her exposed. She slid her hands down her tummy and hips seductively, stopping to work her fingers under the hem of her bikini bottom and pull it up tight into her slit.

"Hey, who said I was talking about you?"

"Oooh! You are going to get it!" she yelled as she pounced over to my desk and put me in a headlock from behind.

The situation was a bit ridiculous as she was a petite 117 pounds and I was solid 170 from weightlifting. I grasped at her small forearm that was wrapped around my neck in mock attempts to free myself.

"Argh," I gasped "can't ...breathe..." I reached up behind her head and pulled the string that tied her bikini top and pulled it across my shoulder.

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No.34 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:41] [Report] []

"I've never had anyone give so much attention to my tits before" she said, slightly out of breath. She closed her eyes with her head back and massaged one of her breasts, the other hand still stroked the back of my hair. "Steve, would always kind of ignore them and get my panties off right away, I think he thought my tits were too small."

Steve was her ex-boyfriend, an all around asshole. I never knew why she kept him around.

"Well Steve-o never was too bright in my opinion", I said, "although I can hardly blame him for wanting to get into your sweet panties." I said, thinking I may as well go for broke.

Julie smiled coyly at that. Her face slackened after a moment and she regarded me with narrowed eyes, both of us reflecting on this new development between us. I hoped that she wouldn't end the game now. She looked down to the crotch of her bikini, which had worked up into her slit and I followed her gaze.

"And just how would you know my panties are sweet?" she asked as she took one hand from around my neck and slipped it under the top hem of her bikini bottom. I could see the material being pushed out of her slit as she made room for her finger. The hand she brought out was wet, especially her middle finger. The smell of her sex was pungent as she waved it under my nose briefly. She pulled it away from my face and regarded her slimy hand for a moment before she closed her mouth over the girl-juice covered fingers, licking them clean in long smooth motions while looking at me. I almost came right there. Then again, as close as I was, a strong breeze may have done it too.

"Hmm, it doesn't taste sweet," she said smacking her lips, " a little musky maybe." With that she dipped her hand back into her crotch but this time brought it to my lips and I dutifully sucked her fingers clean, savoring the sex-sweat-cum taste of her.

"But I'm being selfish," my sister said smiling, "here you are sucking just about every part of my me and you've just been suffering there all along." She said as her hand went to my bulging crotch. "Did I do that to you big brother? If I caused it I should at least help you take care of it hmmm?" She pushed on my chest and I felt her thighs tense as she stood up. I scooted back from the desk and half stood so she could pull my sweat pants down and off, then settled back into the chair.

"Oooh, I'm flattered" she cooed, looking at my stiff member. I was so hard that it was jerking in time with my heartbeat. She knelt down and brought her mouth almost to the head of my dick then made her mouth form a little "O" and blew on it gently while giving me a look that said 'paybacks are hell'.

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No.35 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:42] [Report] []

"Hey honey, where's your sister?" My mom asked leaning her head into my room as I sat back on my bed, thinking about this afternoon.

My mom and sister looked a lot alike. Mom was a bit heavier but still in great shape for her 37 years. Her shoulder length hair was darker than my sister's short bob-cut sandy blonde was, but both were petite and very pretty with smallish breasts.

"Hi mom, I think I heard her in the shower." I said and was glad I could give an honest answer. Ironically, the biggest regret I had about my encounter with Julie was deceiving mom about it. We were a close family (even before this afternoon) especially since our dad had run out on us after Julie was born.

Mom didn't talk about that early part of her life much. We deduced from family gossip and from doing the math with regard to my birthday and our parents wedding day that their's had been a marriage of convenience after she got pregnant with me at a young age. Beyond that, we just knew that dad left her when he found out that Julie was on the way.

"So what did you two do today while I was shopping with your Aunt Megan?" she asked with a half smile on her lips. The way she said it almost had me thinking she knew what we did, then I quickly dismissed the thought; no way would she be this calm about it.

Well mom, I sucked Julie's beautiful tits until she came, then she blew me and I shot my load in her mouth. Did I mention she swallowed every drop? "Well I got the front yard mowed and did some studying." I answered again truthfully albeit partially. Julie saved me from any more questions though as her voice came from the hall.

"Hi mom," My sister said as she suddenly appeared in my doorway for the second time today. She had on her bathrobe and her hair hung over her forehead in half-dried strings. She approached mom from the side and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Mom pushed her soft cheek out to accept her daughter's lips - the same ones that had been wrapped around my dick only a few minutes before; I couldn't help but note. Julie's mouth came away with a smack and I saw she left moisture on mom's face.

"Ooops!" Julie said as she wiped the excess from mom's cheek. "That was a wet one, sorry mom!"

"That's ok dear," she said smiling as she brought her hand to the spot where Julie kissed her, "we're family."

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No.37 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/24(Sun)20:42] [Report] []

"Uh, mom?" I began, as Julie and I approached our mom seated on the couch in her nightshirt. We stopped at the edge of the pit framed by the couch and two loveseats on either end.

We had sat stunned and naked on my bed for what seemed forever, then Julie left to get dressed.

I went to Julie's room after I pulled on a T-shirt and jeans and she started to apologize but I stopped her as I raised my hand. After all, it 'takes two to tango' as they say, and I told her as much.

Neither of us talked about mom's bizarre, calm demeanor after she discovered us. We sat in my sister's room and listened until the water pipes in the house went silent and we heard mom walk down the stairs. Then we started down to find out the conclusion of this Twilight Zone episode.

"Oh, hi kids. Did you order the pizza?"

"Uh....I guess I forgot..." I managed, and mom smiled, leaning her head back slightly.

"That's ok, I actually ordered it myself after I thought about it. I figured you two would be pre-occupied."

I began to really worry about mom then, thinking she really lost it after discovering us like that.

"Ok, I'll stop being coy, I know you two are wondering why I'm not angry or surprised."

Julie and I fidgeted in sort of non-committal body language, as if to say 'maybe the thought crossed our minds'.

Mom patted the empty cushions on either side of her and we dutifully took our places as she spoke.

"Actually, I was a bit surprised when I came home from shopping and found your sister kneeling between your legs."

So she had seen us there after all. I mentally rolled my eyes and wondered if this was maybe a good time to tell her that I took two dollars from her purse when I was six, but shit, maybe she knew that too. I scanned Julie's face for a reaction to mom's revelation but my sister was maintaining a poker face.

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No.18 : Anonymous Stalker [09/04/24(Fri)20:01] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

I had seen her playing in the park now and then. A young and pretty girl of maybe nine. I never thought too much about her though except her sharp and beautiful eyes.
I always went to the park on my lunch hour when the weather permitted.
Office work can make you crazy if you don't go outside and remember the real world. It gave me perspective. Sun, trees, and children playing.
I guess I remembered that one girl because of how unique her eyes were, and when I watched, she always seemed to know and turn and smile. I, of course, would turn away. I wasn't any kind of pervert, and children were just children to me.
It was when that particular girl dragged an older boy into the trees by the hand that I became curious. Innocently, I followed thinking I was going to catch them at their first kiss. I didn't get too close and I stayed quiet as
I wasn't prepared for what I saw. The pretty child with the great eyes was on her knees and blowing the older boy. I mean really blowing like a pro, head bobbing and all!
I should have stayed quiet but I said, "What the...?" before I could get a grip. Both kids turned and saw me then ran like hell the other direction. I should have tried to stop them and explain why what they were doing was wrong, but my only real thought was, why didn't I get a blow job when I was in school?
Kids were growing up quicker nowadays I guessed.
I didn't see the boy ever again but the next day, I did see her. She kept looking at me like she was working herself up the courage to talk to me. I guess she had it because she did walk over after many minutes of our watching each other.
"Hi." she said.
"Hello." I replied. "So, what is your name?"
"It depends." she answered.
"Are you going to tell on me?"
There it was. She was probably embarrassed and afraid of getting into trouble, or at least teased. "Tell me why I shouldn't."
Her bright eyes flashed. They were very beautiful. Full of confidence and a little mischief. She said, "Because It's none of your business. I wasn't hurting you or anyone else. And I know what I was doing."
"Are you telling me that it was your idea?" I asked.
"Yes. That's exactly what I'm telling you. I knew what I was doing and so did he."
Now, I didn't have a lot of experience with children, but something about the way she was talking wasn't anything like I was expecting. I don't know, maybe I was expecting baby talk. This child seemed smart to me. "You do make a

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No.26 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/22(Fri)03:37] [Report] []

more. more. more. i fapped to this. came. reread it. came again. Sauce and more like it plz.

No.28 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/23(Sat)16:19] [Report] []


Yes please. MORE.

No.21 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/10(Sun)07:43] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

Hey losers

My name is Skyler, but everyone calls me Alphabet because i'm the ALPHA male and you can BET on it. My boys sent me the link to this messageboard. They told me it was full of fat pale basement dwelling neckbeards OCD Asians and pathetic gay virgins. Wow they weren't kidding. I haven't seen this level of homosexuality since my broseph Vince got totally zonked on X and mouthkissed Zane. Of course you fags do this shit ON PURPOSE You chumps make me sick hanging out on your nerd website all day jerking off to fat chicks making your gay little posts and dressing up like faggots and ejaculating to tranny porn.

Dude you guys would probably cut your own dicks off to be able to observe my life for one day much less live it. I am buff tuff and ruff broski! My body is tanned and chiseled because I use PROTEIN and go to the GYM. You worthless excuses for men don't know how that works. Try not to suck your protein supplements out of a dude's cock. Even if the dude's name is Mark.

Lets face it the chicks can't resist my bangin guns. When I walk up into the club the bitches can't wait for the Alphabet to wrap his pimp mitts around their titties. I have a .312 batting average not that you fags even know what that means and can drink all of your children under the table.You losers need to get a fucking life.

No.19 : Anonymous Stalker [09/04/24(Fri)21:07] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

I think I’m a closet sex freak. I’m sleeping with this guy which I do really bad things with, but he doesn’t love me or care for me and even though I’m satisfied, there’s an emptiness that I never had with my ex-boyfriend. My ex never was able to make me feel great and we had really mediocre sex but afterwards he’d cuddle with me, tell me how much he loved me, how great I made him feel and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We’d spoon and kiss and fall asleep in each others’ arms and I’d wake up feeling completely happy and content. He’d make me breakfast and we’d spend the day lazing about his apartment or go out for a walk with his two dogs and I was so happy, and felt as long as I have these moments and have this love for the rest of my life, I can die satisfied.

That was all before this guy raped me and destroyed my contentment with my ex. After that night, I just couldn’t stay with my ex-boyfriend because I felt so shameful but at the same time, I realized how I didn’t have passion and lust for my boyfriend that I felt for this guy who violated me. I’m really confused because I can’t say he raped me because it excited me how he was forcing himself, but I still can’t help but STILL feel dirty with him every time we’re together. It’s turned into a consensual sexual friendship and he never hurts me or hits me, but the way we treat each other is just awful…. I feel almost like I’m a whore.

I wonder if I’m totally messing up my emotional health over with this destructive relationship. My ex-boyfriend still calls me crying and I’m still fucking the man. What am I doing? Why can I go back to my ex and be happy and have those mornings again? Instead I’m sleeping with the man and I always leave right after, because I can’t stand the idea of sleeping in his bed when he doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t make me go, in fact he asks me to stay but I just can’t because that’ll give me false hope that maybe one day he’ll love me. But he never will. Instead he calls me or stops by my house and work just to have sex and I comply.

Sometimes I think to that night, how he was tearing my clothes off, pushing me around and pinning me down while I was crying and telling him no and telling him to stop and as much as I know that’s wrong and probably rape, I kind of get turned on… What’s wrong with me?

No.25 : Anon [09/05/20(Wed)15:08] [Report] []

i have NEVER replied to anything EVER on any chan site whatsoever. but something about this post intrigued me. As a previous psychology major im desperately trying to come up with a reason why you feel the way you do. And...i got nothin. Ive heard of situations like this before. The only thing I can think of is.... where you raised in a strict family, highly religious, immaculately clean, restrictive, protective? Theres a common thing with stuff like rape, scat, snuff, domination type of sex that refers back to childhood restrictive issues. Theres also the possibility that you feel like you deserve to be punished. you are obviously regretting what happened to you and your contentment with what was so simple and satisfying, you could subconsiously be punishing yourself for feeling like you destroyed your own happiness. Speaking from experience once a person starts sabotaging themselves it REALLY hard to realize what your doing and stop it. have the right idea, you see the light and darkness in your situation you just need to suplicate yourself and make a choice. The harder choice will be the RIGHT one because its never easy to do the right thing...and if it is, youre wrong and dont know it. (done this to myself many times)

No.27 : anon [09/05/23(Sat)03:00] [Report] []

Or this is by some guy with a rape fantasy who gets offover te discussion...

No.23 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/10(Sun)07:44] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

Welcome to Niggerbuntu

Niggerbuntu is a Linux-based operating system consisting of Free and Open Source software for laptops, desktops, and servers. Niggerbuntu has a clear focus on the user and usability - it should Just Work, even if the user has only the thinking capacities of a sponge. the OS ships with the latest Gnomrilla release as well as a selection of server and desktop software that makes for a comfortable desktop experience off of a single installation CD.

It also features the packaging manager ape-ghetto, and the challenging Linux manual pages have been reformatted into the new 'monkey' format, so for example the manual for the shutdown command can be accessed just by typing: 'monkey shut-up -h now mothafukka' instead of 'man shutdown'.

Absolutely Free of Charge

Niggerbuntu is free software, and available to you free of charge, as in free beer or free stuffs you can get from looting. It's also Free in the sense of giving you rights of Software Freedom. The freedom, to run, copy, steal, distribute, study, share, change and improve the software for any purpose, without paying licensing fees.

Free software as in free beer !

Niggerbuntu is an ancient Nigger word, meaning "humanity to monkeys". Niggerbuntu also means "I am what I am because of how apes behave". The Niggerbuntu Linux distribution brings the spirit of Niggerbuntu to the software world.

The dictator Bokassa described Niggerbuntu in the following way:

"A subhuman with Niggerbuntu is open and available to others (like a white bitch you're ready to fsck), affirming of others, does not feel threatened by the fact that other species are more intelligent than we are, for it has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that it belongs to the great monkey specie."

We chose the name Niggerbuntu for this distribution because we think it captures perfectly the spirit of sharing and looting that is at the heart of the open source movement.

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No.24 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/10(Sun)07:44] [Report] []

When I first read your post, my thoughts were that you in fact not human, but a chimpanzee that had somehow managed to escape from the animal nuthouse. Upon closer inspection, I came to realize the horrible truth. You are without exception the most pitiful and woeful example of mankind that ever existed. You are the one who puts the 'Homo' in 'Homo sapien'. I am at a loss for words powerful enough to describe your pathetically sub-par intellect and nealithic communication skills, so instead you have forced me to rape and murder several small towns just to block out the extensive amounts of trauma caused by reading your post. I can only hope that this thread does not fall into the hands of more innocent victims, and one day, you will commit suicide in such an horrific manner that it cures some of the readers' trauma.

No.22 : Anonymous Stalker [09/05/10(Sun)07:43] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

Hey Morons,

My name is House, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their days looking for Lupus. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any vaccination? It's fun making fun of you people because of your own insecurities, but you all are starting to bore me. This is even more boring than my video games or soaps.

Everybody lies, so don't be a dumbass. I'll give you all a shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I diagnosed and saved a CIA agent before and even a presidential candidate, even though he was a nigger. What interesting medical cases have you solved other than "jacking off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also lie, cheat, steal and get away with it, and have a banging hot boss (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just OD. Thanks for listening.

Pic Related: It's me and my boss

No.20 : Anonymous Stalker [09/04/26(Sun)07:22] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

To be fair she just ran out of ideas of what to do. Cam people tend to lack on the creative side. Not to mention the fact she is solo so she cant make any good movie sets for creativity.

Just ONCE I would like to see some cam chick recreate scenes from movies as best as they can. Even if the sets are cardboard, painted to look real. I give the following examples:
Reservoir dogs: Cutting off ear while dancing to Stuck in the Middle With You.
Star trek: Trekkies are easy pick ANYTHING
Star wars: Easy but more picky, may the force be with you.
Aliens: I just want to see how cheap but creative they can get.
Matrix: come on... too easy...

There are others, yes not creative but it also hasnt been really done.

No.17 : Anonymous Stalker [09/04/24(Fri)20:01] [Report] [SNAP] [Reply]

"A few years ago, a mother and father decided they needed a break, so they wanted to head out for a night on the town. They called their most trusted babysitter. When the babysitter arrived, the two children were already fast asleep in bed. So the babysitter just got to sit around and make sure everything was okay with the bastard children. Later that night, the babysitter got bored and went to watch TV, but she couldn't watch it downstairs because they did not have cable downstairs (the parents didn't want bastard children watching too much garbage). So, she called them and asked them if she could watch cable in the parent's room. Of course, the parents said it was ok, but the babysitter had one final request... she asked if she could cover up the owl statue in their bedroom with a blanket or cloth, because it made her nervous. The phone line was silent for a moment, and the father who was talking to the babysitter at the time said, "Take the children and get out of the house... we will call the police. We do not have an owl statue."

The children and the babysitter were murdered by the owl. It turned out to be that the owl was a killer that escaped from jail. If you do not repost this within five minutes the owl will be standing next to your bed at 3:00 a.m. with a knife in his beak."


None right now!

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