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>Live in university>Know generic /g/ level computer stuff, enough to get out of and stay out of trouble>Friend says he is the computer god>Makes friends with this group of asian tech guys>Supposedly some sort of university club>Go to one meeting with friend>They are somewhat friendly speak some chinkinese, seem to mostly have LAN parties playing starcraft and shit>See less and less of friend>Get a phonecall one day>You gotta help me man>whut>I already called 911, but I don't think I m gonna make it man>whut>Give me the name of a hotel>Rush over>fucking ambulances and police cars>What happened>Cops say nothing>Say he's my friend, that he called me>Suddenly, cops are interested>Get taken for questioning>Pretty much tell them this story>Turns out chinkinese guys drugged him, stole one of his kidneys and his graphics card>Was left in a bathtub full of ice with his desktop tower
>Work at a liquor store>Have display screens at the checkout so people can clearly see the prices, just like at the grocery store>My screen is always flickering and shit>Cheapest connector cable ever>Constantly fiddling with it>Vibrations>A shelandwhale approaches>Has bottle of cheap vodka>Screen flickers>Fix it, explain it's the cable>Shelandwhale speaks>"Sounds like you're good with computers. I could use help with mine at home." in what appears to be a sultry voice.>Proceeds to deepthroat vodka bottle>Fuck her on the rubber conveyor belt, pressing the button to move her back and forth so I don't have to thrust
>Have girlfriend>She is loose as a goose>Have friend>Says I'm lucky, would pay to fuck my GF>Ask him how much>100$>Sure>Tell my girlfriend>They go upstairs to fuck>Head to friends PC>Swap our his 2x4 gig ram for some 2x1 gig ram I always carry around>Fuckyeah.jpg
hot female classmate asks me for computer help
>brings her laptop to my dorm room>windows is fucked over by a virus, fake programs and toolbars everywhere>my years of experience installing gentoo >finally begin to pay off>I start initiating the ritual>cut my wrist and make a pentagram using the blood>burn candles at each point of the star>place the laptop in the centre>at this point, the girl is furiously masturbating to the sight>I boot up the computer and begin installing gentoo>the room begins to shake as the floor cracks beneath the pentagram>hellfire begins to shoot out of the laptop (powered by Nvidia) as I compile the kernel with all GCC optimizations enabled>I grow horns and transform into the avatar of GNU/Satan>I rip the girl's clothes off to expose her open source under her clothing DRM>my huge, flaming, thorny dick penetrates her vagina>she climaxes as the compilation completes>I commit my GPL-licensed semen to her repository>she accepts and produces my child with the soul of Richard Stallman, the harbinger of the year of the GNU/Linux desktop>tfw I can now play muh free as in freedom eroges on Linux
>Friend has desktop>Friend has cat>Friend's desktop starts BSOD'ing consistently>Figure it was cat hair, fan, overheat>Get to friends house>Hey anon, you start fixing the computer, I'll go get some chips and pop. What flavours you want?>Head upstairs>Begin dismanteling computer>Pause>Something is not right>Look about>Feel like I am being watched>Keep working>Fuck, why are these bolts stripped? Anon probably overclocked this shit>Mangae to get it off>Look inside>Cat hair everywhere>Scratch marks on compenents>what the fuck>Noise to the rear>Turn around >FUCKING SIAMESE CAT ATTACK>Crash into computer>Claws my face>Pull it off>Oh god my arms stop it>Drop it>Leave room>Slam door>friend comes home>what happened anon>Explain>Dude, that's mitten's computer, he built it himself>Mine is downstairs in the kitchen, I thought you'd like to work there better
Should've known after I saw the ricer mouse
>Know nothing of hyper threading>Go to Best Buy>Start asking questions>Get referred to the geek squad>Get told that isn't their expertise>They give me an address>Looks like fucking GPS coordinates>Get told its a Land Location Number>Go home, tell buddy>He uses google maps and finds outit is a half hour out of town in the middle of nowhere>I figure this is some Hills Have Eyes shit>He says it ll be an adventure>Go for a drive>Arrive>Generic Farm>Farmer walks out of the house>Grizzled older guy, like 50>I begin, spaghetti everywhere>Buddy is laughing, says we need info about hyperthreading.>Farmer gives us a dead serious look>Turns, beings walking away, waves at us to follow>Heading towards large barn>I am shitting my pants>Friend is still giggling, albeit nervously>Enter barn>Sheep everywhere>Some sort of automated loom in the corner>Learn all about shearing sheep and harvesting wool
Had dinner with his wife and family, greatest day ever