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How do you traps and passable CDs handle dating? At what point do you tell someone you met at the pub, cafe, concert, wherever that there's more to you than meets the eye?
It's different for every situation.
In a typical scenario where you're going for semi-stealth and are dating a 'normal' straight guy, though, i think the best policy is to tell AFTER you've got to know each other (few weeks maybe, depending on how fast your relationship progresses) but BEFORE you do anything sexual. That way you've hopefully cleared up any pre-conceptions they have about trans people but you've still given them the opportunity to bail out of the relationship before going too far if they feel uncomfortable about it.
That obviously only applies if you're doing like a steady dating thing. If you're just a CD out on the town or you're hooking up for a one-night stand or whatever i guess i don't know.
Thanks, that's pretty helpful. Is it any different for meeting women?
I think the chances of a woman who is bi or gay (which she would have to be to be attracted to you at all rite?) having a hugely negative reaction are much more slim. Maybe a little sexist/orientationist to say but i guess i would probably feel comfortable being up-front if it were a woman.
There are radical feminist segments which actually loathe MtF transfolk because they see it as a paternalistic conspiracy to reset gender roles by out-femaling females, and ensnaring lesbians and bisexual women into actually heterosexual relationships. I think there's a feminist festival which is notoriously known for it's "Womyn-born-womyn" only policy.
Yeah, but those people are a tiny tiny minority.
well it depends a lot also on how you already express yourself, and if you are dating a girl/boy..
I mean, I crossdress in public, so I wouldn't have that problem, but agian that raises the problem of girls/guy not wanting to date me due to crossdressing, a lot of girls think it's cute but a lot of girls think it's odd and weird when a guy is more girly then them. And it's so much easier to end up in the friend zone with a girl then it is to get closer.Anyhows, i guess a lot depends on who you date, it'd be easier to tell a man then it is to tell a woman, regarding dating, since if you date a guy, you'd be with a gay/bi guy, and those are a lot more open then straight guys to acceping this, atleast in my experience. As for women, it could be somewhat more of a shock and surprise. And might even put them off.. so before telling, you should dig around a bit and poke your nose in their thoughts, finding out their oppinion on crossdressing and such and what they think about it..
I guess what I would do would be to just mention it pretty early, cause if she then didn't want anything else to do with me, it'd save the pain of starting to get fond of eachother and then finding out she doesn't like you for it.
Yeah I agree with that. I came out when I got to college and tried to pick up on dating anew, but soon realized many of the girls I would almost be willing to ask out think of me as just another one of the girls. Really sucks.
I got a girlfriend a month ago, actually, but she tried to keep me from cross dressing, telling me that it was either that or her. Pretty much had to break up with her after that...
>>104 a quick tip (from my own experience) : Try to date bisexual girls
Easier said than found.
>>109 ok, agreed, it IS difficult :) I found some in scene locations, though. Just watch out for that "still interested" look when your eyes meet. works for me.
>>106I try, but it's hard to find them. they don't wave flags or carry neon signs that say "I'm Bi!" all the time.
>>113There is a litmus test.
Plant your lips on theirs. If they kiss back, you're set!
>>114 lol :D :D
Another thing that worked for me: Simply wait and look, usually they have friends visiting them there (in the scene location) and by their actions when greeting them you can recognize them. An intense or even french kiss with a man is usually a good indicator.
Sounds silly, but i actually did that and it works. Takes some time, though.