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Background: I'm a male, but I'm a bit genderqueer. I may not look particularly androgynous, though I would like to. It really is that mentally I feel much more feminine. As such, I tend to be very 'girly' at times. I'm in my early 20's and and just really starting to deal with this. I've crossdressed in private for a couple of years now, finding I like the feeling of letting go and feeling feminine. Recently I have become more and more obvious when it come to those interests with my friends and girlfriend (though she also knows about the corssdressing where my friends do not). Though I have been open to one of my female friends on the subject of clothing, lamenting the fact that women have the option of unisex, which is just socially acceptable crossdressing, and that there is no such socially acceptable option for guys. I've flt out told her that I should be able to wear a skirt and makeup if I so please and that I would. Also me and her and another female friend went makeup shopping together, since me and her had been looking at makeup on line constantly. That made me happy, even though I felt a bit out of place (mostly because of the way the cashiers treated me, probably thought I was her boyfriend being dragged along). I still looked around and had a great time etc. Also one time hanging out I used some of her clear coat nail polish, and then a week or so later I used a color nail polish. I even went into work one day with it on. No one said anything and if anyone did I'd probably try to play it off and be like 'oh my gf attacked me with nail polish, herp derp.'
Anyways, because I have been much more open, with this one friend and in general, I am feeling all the more vulnerable and paranoid. I'm now hyper sensitive to being rejected. The female friend mentioned earlier is shopping for a dress because she is a bridesmaid. She has been showing me dresses and getting my opinion and such. Tonight she apparently IMed my gf with some dress options but I got no such message. This has tripped my probably overactive paranoia alarm. I mean typing it out now makes me see that it is probably silly, that she is not rejecting me, thinking I'm a freak etc. I mean she was totally on board with me on the whole crappyness of no 'unisex' option for men thing.
But now I still have a question. I know I may be being a bit too paranoid in this instance but I have a larger concern. How do I get to be 'just be one of the girls'? I want to become more open about my genderqueer-ness-ocity but how do I ease it into my social circle. I mean we have no hyper-Christians or anything and we're all socially very liberal/libertarian. I still feel very awkward and somewhat panicky at the thought of it. So how do I get more comfortable with myself and with being more open? I'm sure there are more experienced people out there that can give tips and share their own stories.
I was not sure if I should post this especially given the detail (any one of the people mentioned reading this would know who I am but then they would be on tranchan so...) but hopefully someone may have some insight and if not its cathartic to just write it out anyways.
Haven't really been in that spot since I am quite secretive.
We all like to think the sky is falling whenever one of our deeply personal secrets, especially one so stigmatized, gets out, but the truth is, it's not such a big deal. You might lose one crazy friend at worst, and the information isn't going to spread nearly as far as you think it is.
If your girlfriend would leave you over something like this, you deserve better.
OP you basically described me, minus the paranoid part. I just wish I could find SOMEONE I could open up to about it, preferably a female friend that could, 'teach' me, I guess, how to be a proper girl.