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>be on /g/, using my Gentoo rig powered by 4 GTX 680's and an i7 2600k, when knock at cave door>OPEN UP WE'S THE POH LEASE>push a couple old Pentium 4s against the door (those things are just so damn handy)>begin waddling towards escape hatch>BANG BANG BANG>cops shooting the door, screaming MURIKA FUCK YEAH>be Canadian, quite confused>continue waddling as fast as I can>cops break door down>they begin sprinting towards me>one gets caught in my intranet>fuck that was an expensive cable it's hard to get them that long>whatever>cop begins shooting me>dive behind Fermi pile>Old Fermis burst into flames, buying me time>grab my Thinkpad>escape hatch blocked by cans>prepare for final stand>cop comes around corner>nail her on the head with my Thinkpad>Thinkpad 1 SWAT helmet 0>another cop comes around the corner>shoots me>absorbed in my fat, bounces off>this angers me>release the bear>Guardian Neckbear leaps from neck and begins biting cop>throw GNU/Hurd kernel DVDs at him>he dies from disgust>cop jumps through can pile>falls onto my pile of dragon dildos>runs back out screaming>jump in my get-away pedovan>mom runs out of house>SERGIO COMPUTER NO JUST WERKO, NO GUSTA!!>NOT NOW MOM I'M BUSY>rev up car>cop cars begin coming around corner>speed off>they chase me>they have no drivers and crash into poles>an entire polish parade>1.7% of the parade survive>more cops behind me>NO TIME FOR LOVE, COPPERS>helicopter appears above me>it's rotational velociodencity begins to degrade as it comes closer to my giant dog-shapped pedovan>it bluescreens>jump out of door>hit the floor>everyone do the dinosaur